The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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