I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
