My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
