I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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