You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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