the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
