She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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