I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize