my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
