you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
