bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
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I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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