she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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