Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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