Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
