My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
