are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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