Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
