I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
