new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
