yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize