I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
