If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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