Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
