Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
