I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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