The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
