My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize