yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
