ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
