You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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