my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
