Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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