the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
