I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
