yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize