If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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