Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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