she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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