I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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