Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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