it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
