they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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