Me too!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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