good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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