I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im part way to drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
