hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
