marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
