If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
