I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
