the condom got lost in my hair
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
