i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
