Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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