Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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