I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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