actually, I'm a sock model
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
