The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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