when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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