I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
