the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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