ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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