Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
