The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
