matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
