this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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